Michele Bachmann threatened to leave Minnesota over marriage equality and for her own mortal safety. Here’s a doosie of a quote to a news anchor,
“I don’t know what it will be, Bruce,” she said, “it could be an earthquake. It could be a volcano. It could be some sort of flesh eating virus. All I know is that God does not let homosexuality go unpunished, and Minneapolis is next in line for his wrath.
“It breaks my heart to think that the Democrats are willing to play politics with the lives of so many Minnesotans. And I hate to leave so many of my constituents behind, but I urge them - please, please - follow my example and get your loved ones to safety before it’s too late.”
Well it passed. Congratulations Minnesota, no gay flesh-eating virus yet. Please, no one follow her example, or her anywhere. And where will she go? And where does the congresswoman think the least gay place in the world is?
“I’ve heard wonderful things about Eugene [Oregon],” she says, “and I think congressman DeFazio may be vulnerable to a challenge. They’re the nicest people in the world out there, I’m sure we’d be welcomed with open arms.”
Joseph Torsella, the U.S. ambassador for management and reform at the United Nations, gave an unusual censure to his U.N. colleagues yesterday, asking them to cut back on their drinking before delicate budget negotiations. Really. Here’s Foreign Policy with the ambassador’s pull-quote:
“As for the conduct of negotiations, we make the modest proposal that the negotiation rooms should in future be an inebriation-free zone,” Torsella said in a meeting of the U.N. membership’s budget committee, known as the Fifth Committee. “While my government is truly grateful for the strategic opportunities presented by some recent practices, lets save the champagne for toasting the successful end of the session, and do some credit to the Fifth Committee’s reputation in the process.”
DEVELOPMENT BOY MY WHITE GUILT CAN SOLVE THEM PROBLEMS
This bad ass music video was made by students at Columbia University School of International and Public Affairs (SIPA). Eat shit Kennedy School and SAIS. The student group, SIPA Follies, is a sketch comedy group comprised of International Affairs, Public Policy, and Development graduate students.
The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, is offering the grant money for the best “testable hypothesis” for “the next generation condom,” one that “significantly preserves or enhances pleasure.” The goal is to eliminate one of the major barriers to condom use: “From the male perspective,” the call for entries says, “condoms decrease pleasure as compared to no condom, creating a trade-off that many men find unacceptable.” -Read more
Truth. But the FYE would like to add, the trade-off is not just one sided.
NORTH KOREAN WAITRESSES PERFORMING FOR YOURS TRULY
The FYE just ate dinner at Pyongyang restaurant, North Korea’s bizarre attempt at soft diplomacy. Pyongyang is the name of the North Korean government-owned and operated international Restaurant chain. Its exists in several southeast asian cities and N. Korea’s unfaithful girlfriend, China. The restaurants were created by the cryptically named government department, Room 39, dedicated to acquiring and laundering foreign currency. The restaurants serve multiple purposes: providing income to their broke embassy, laundering money, and (most unsuccessfully) showing the world that they are not that crazy. They also are a bit dodgy. They serve N. Korean Soju in countries with prohibition, an unlabeled aphrodisiac made from bears, and often have brothels on the second floor. Often you will see two businessmen walk in and ask for a “karaoke room”. The sizzling cuttle fish and watery dumplings were the FYE’s favorite dishes.
When the FYE spoke with the female waitstaff, the FYE learned that their loyalty to the government is scrutinized, they are all trained in some kind of instrument and voice, and they all sleep and live in the N. Korean embassy. If any of the waitresses try to escape, all the rest of the staff will be repatriated. I’ve been several times before, and have seen them sing my “Heart Will Go On” and “Barbie Girl”. Also as you eat, the TV plays N. Korean propaganda about military strength, bounty of food, and Kim Jong Il looking at stuff. And yes they wear those dresses even when they are not singing.
One propaganda film was about a worker who stole bread from a military officer. The worker was caught and apprehended. He was trembling with fear when called into the officer’s quarters. When the worker walked in, there was a table with a bounty of food upon it. The military officer tenderly sat the worker down at a plate, and the worker looked at all the food and broke into tears, digging his face into his hands. The officer put a hand on the worker’s shoulder.
The Helsinki Center of Economic Research, or NAMBLA, released a paper this year entitled, “MALE ORGAN AND ECONOMIC GROWTH: DOES SIZE MATTER”
I shit you not.
“This study explores the link between economic growth and penile length between 1960 and 1985. It estimates an augmented Solow model utilizing the Mankiw-Romer-Weil 121 country dataset. The size of male organ is found to have an inverse U-shaped relationship with the level of GDP in 1985. Economic development between 1960 and 1985 is negatively associated with the size of male organ. With considerable reservations it is also found to be a more important determinant of GDP growth than country’s political regime type. Two interpretations for the patterns between male organ and economic growth are discussed briefly: the link between penile length, testosterone and risk-taking, and selfesteem production. Despite the robust statistical links, until more rigorous treatments on the subject the proposed ‘male organ hypothesis’ should be taken with reservations.”
The researchers found that countries with medium-sized disco sticks, had the highest GDPs (Europe, Austrailia, USA). Countries with small baloney ponies had smaller GDP’s (Asia). But also, if countries’ master of ceremonies are on the bigger side, there is a correlation to lower GDP (Africa). The result, a U-curve as shown above. Don’t fret, those increments on the x-axis are in centimeters.
Today the FYE’s friend, a Tesla (green energy car of the future, and company named after the guy who really invented the lightbulb) employee took this photo and sent it to the FYE while the FYE was working on this post about how we are growing less oil dependent. A confirmation from higher beings that the FYE must continue blogging.
LISTEN OIL, WE GOT OTHER OPTIONS
Worldwide, we are getting less oil dependent. Schwing.
Large global corporations have mapped all oil reserves in the world. And they are running out no doubt. Your FYE has seen this mythical dataset before when he was a lowly data gopher, and almost creamed his pants. The dataset apparently sells for over US$1 million.
Some countries are doing this for political reasons, others because its the right thing to do, and most out of financial necessity. When your FYE was in Bangladesh, the GIZ was working with the government to establish progressive green energy policies, and subsidizing solar panels. Bangladesh can’t afford oil as an input to power their economy, so they take advantage of their natural gas reserves, and solar energy. Almost all vehicles in Bangladesh run off compressed natural gas, or CNG. (but they converted too many cars to CNG, and further subsidized the price that they almost depleted reserves, so now they have long lines at the natural gas pump- thats what happens when you mess with prices)
60-70% of households in Bangladesh are not on the grid. Solar energy is the only solution. Solar panels are tariff free to import in Bangladesh, and the price is subsidized by the government (through German aid).
THIS HUT IN BANGLADESH IS MORE PROGRESSIVE THAN YOUR HOUSE
Like Bangladesh, countries are meeting their energy needs in new ways, but instead of natural gas and solar, it may be hydroelectric and wind like in Chile (which had an energy crisis a little while back), or coal in China. Either way baby, the age of oil as an energy provider is on its way out, but we are still going to use it for our clothes and unlimited plastic products.
I love data. And needless to say, I have compiled data on all my romances since I was in kindergarten holding hands. Variables such as physical traits, ethnicity, sexuality, emotionality, personality, conflict, nice things they do, season we met, etc. are collected and plotted visually. Almost every girlfriend I’ve had has broken up with me, but with my data I can better predict when they will rip out my heart. Over 90% of my boos state I am bad at communication, I am a force of nature (in a bad way), and my excel spreadsheets about them are not cute. Never call your boo an “imperfect substitute”. Or show them their marginal cost.
A BCG consultant did a presentation on his relationship with his girlfriend. Above are a few slides from it. His work is a little more simplistic and amateur compared to my analysis. Here it is in full, hilarious: www.seth-smith.org.uk/images/laughter/LoveLife.pdf
The infamous “Da Poo Poo” video shared previously, is funny, but also scary. Dr. Poo Poo is not alone. Uganda is currently leading the world in exemplifying the famous economic principle: “gay bashers are totally gay”.
The proposed Ugandan Anti-Homosexuality Bill, mandates prison sentences and obliges citizens to report “offenders” to the authorities. A death penalty clause in the bill was dropped after international outcry. The movement anti-homosexuality has always been a sentiment in Uganda as well as many other African nations, however now it has evolved into a demagoguery. Newspapers publish lists of notable gays and lesbians, people are “outing” each other. Its like a witch hunt, except, way hotter.
American Evangelicals are like Batman: they are not restricted to international lines. They will come to your country and bring justice to anyone Voguing or listening to Le Tigre.
“There are close links between many American anti-gay preachers, politicians, and activists, and their Ugandan counterparts”. ”Bahati, the Anti-Homosexuality Bill’s sponsor, is the secretary of the Ugandan branch of The Family, the secretive American evangelical organization whose members include Sens. James Inhofe, Jim DeMint, and Tom Coburn. Martin Ssempa, a Pentecostal preacher who has championed the bill, was a protégé of Rick Warren and, during the Bush administration, a recipient of at least $90,000 of American aid earmarked for abstinence promotion.” (Daily Beast).
NICHE MARKET: SUDANESE GAY PRIDE SHIRT FOR SMALL DOGS
Based on the principle, “people vote with their feet”, and gays in Uganda won’t be allowed to vote anyways, they will migrate. South Sudan is young, easily influenced, and is open to experimentation. Why not turn it into the San Francisco of Africa?
In the Boondocks world, MLK Jr. didn’t die, he was put in a coma from his assignation attempt. He awakes from his coma October 2000. And he’s overwhelmed and disappointed. At the end of the episode, MLK Jr. finally makes a moving speech, and the revolution came. The episode ended with Oprah winning the Presidency. Huey says: “Its nice to dream.”
The show broadcasted in January 2006, more than two and a half years before Obama won the election. Another four years later, we may have two black men contending for the white house.
In 3rd grade, the young FYE played Martin Luther King Jr. for his class play. The south-asian kid with a lisp was unanimously casted. The FYE was the only non-white student in the class. Your FYE belted the “I Have a Dream” speech in front of his white classmates who screamed, “give us our rights”, and some played Black Panthers, raising their gloved fists in the air. Your FYE even got assailed by his class.
When the FYE was 12 years old, he picked up the house phone and an anonymous neighbor told the FYE that a chinese family moved into the neighborhood. He said “I just thought you should know.” When the FYE asked who was speaking, the neighbor hung up.
The FYE wrote an Urban Economics term paper on housing prices and the quality of schools in Hartford County, Connecticut, and the role discrimination plays. Connecticut is one of the most segregated states in the country. Hartford, CT is 93% black & Latino vs. Berlin, CT which is about 97% white, or about 2% black & latino (2002). The FYE’s paper found a 1% increase in the graduation rate correlates to a 1% increase in median housing prices.
MARVIN GAYE SINGS US NATIONAL ANTHEM, MAKES PANTIES DRIP
Your FYE is headed back stateside for Thanksgiving. I love America. Honestly and truly. For all the criticisms that can be made of America, we have to remember that the great experiment yielded the gift of Marvin Gaye to the world.
OkTrends of OK Cupid has created a lot of great data. Your FYE even has an OK Cupid account, but the username he wanted, DonJuanDraper, has already been taken.
My favorite data set is on tracking message reply rates. Men most likely send the first message as expected, but your reply rate has a strong correlation to your race, (and the race of desired poon tang). Whoop-de-doo, White males get the highest response rates. As a South-Asian male or “Indian”, my best shots are with “Blacks”, “Native-Americans”, and the exotic “others”. Note that Indian females have the lowest response rate to Indian males. I’ve used some of my best pick-up lines at South-Asian weddings like, “Let’s go to where the aunties can’t see us”, or “whats the wifi password?” and I get nothing but racism.
WHITE FEMALES: WANT TO DATE WHITE GUYS
The “Rough Vs. Gentle Sex” data set is also very nice. OCD girls and cynical guys like rough sex. English(?) women and challenged men use a sheet in between.
And apparently, half of single old men on OK Cupid prefer rough sex. Remember, every observation has an OK Cupid profile and is probably single.
Happy Valentines Day. The FYE believes Valentines Day is an overly commercialized, fetishized, gender-normatized chump-excuse of a holiday. Check out the rest of these amazing on “14 Ways Economists Say I Love You” graphs.
Yet again, The FYE doesn’t have a date for Valentines day this year. Although the FYE’s recent analysis on his personal relationships have yielded positive results, the FYE never seems to have anyone to buy dinner for when the day comes.
This Valentines, the FYE is posted in a least developed, conservative muslim country. It came as a surprise (leading to deep resentment) that even in this developing nation, Valentines Day has recently caught on, and with great disgusting gusto. The FYE’s driver told him that Valentines day has become popular in the past few years. This year, the roads were flooded with horrible traffic, with young and old couples shamelessly parading about. Even the FYE’s office tea caddies took the day off to spend the day with their main squeeze. The FYE never would of thought such a conservative country, which frowns upon dating and public displays of affection, would get excited about Valentines Day.
Perhaps it is just a commercial holiday designed to sell cards, chocolate, flowers, and fancy dinners. That’s the FYE’s original cynicism, without going to liberal-artsy on other problematic social issues. But it seems even in the most PDA-suppressed cultures, people are more than happy to adopt and participate in a holiday which gives them a reason (and an opportunity because everyones doing it) to be romantic. And I think some relationships need outside forces to remind them to be romantic. It’s not all about the poontang.
Another explanation for V-Day taking this conservative muslim country by storm could be the fetish and influence of the west, and western media glorifying Valentines Day. This fetish is further compounded by Bollywood producing overly romantic films with the same formula to fall in love. Coupled together, both inputs motivated, perhaps obligated, people to be romantic ie. spend money. Might as well harness the mass’ enthusiasm to spend and capitalise. Just like the market does in all countries with all major secular, and especially non-secular holidays.
My cousin told me he first heard about Valentines Day as a child when Cartoon Network International ran a ‘Valentines Day Special’.
“In order to halt foreign interference in the affairs of developing countries it is necessary to study, understand, expose and actively combat neo-colonialism in whatever guise it may appear. For the methods of neo-colonialists are subtle and varied. They operate not only in the economic field, but also in the political, religious, ideological and cultural spheres.
Faced with the militant peoples of the ex-colonial territories in Asia, Africa, the Caribbean and Latin America, imperialism simply switches tactics. Without a qualm it dispenses with its flags, and even with certain of its more hated expatriate officials. This means, so it claims, that it is ‘giving’ independence to its former subjects, to be followed by ‘aid’ for their development. Under cover of such phrases, however, it devises innumerable ways to accomplish objectives formerly achieved by naked colonialism. It is this sum total of these modern attempts to perpetuate colonialism while at the same time talking about ‘freedom’, which has come to be known as neo-colonialism.”
~ Kwame Nkrumah , Neo-Colonialism, the Last Stage of Imperialism 1965